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Heartwarming butch moments…

#4 - Explaining sheepishly to new make out boy thing that you wear boy’s underwear and getting a response like “oh me too” + smile = meeeelt.


Clothing for the stylin’ butch.

Clothing for the stylin’ butch.

Inquiring minds want to know.

Inquiring minds want to know.



How to Date a Butch Girl (for Boys)

1. Flirt with her.

Butch girls who like boys are often read as lesbians, so flirting should be overt (smile), though respectful (smile =/= leer). Don’t rely on conventional courting behaviors like opening doors for her, but don’t rule them out either. A great way to flirt is to help her with a project that she’s working on, in a role that she’s chosen for you. Sand pieces of wood for a shelf she’s building, or be her sous-chef.

2. Don’t try to change her.

This applies both in word and deed. Don’t try to put her in a more feminine role so you feel more comfortable; let her pay for your drink if she wants to, tell you something new about your bike, or walk you home. Don’t tell her that she would look really good with makeup, a dress, or longer hair, and don’t cross-examine her about her look.

3. Give genuine compliments.

Find things about her that you like, and let her know. Retire pretty/beautiful/hot and “your gorgeous smile” in favor of “handsome,” “dapper,” or “smoldering.” Embrace her butchness and make her feel appreciated. (Delight in her gender-nonconforming awesomeness.)

4. Don’t try to out-butch her.

You’ll never win, first of all. But sometimes boys who like butch girls feel ashamed (see #5) on some level, so they compensate by getting uber-manly. Just be yourself.

5. Examine your own sexuality.

As in, take your own time to think hard about what it means to like people who are a little masculine. Might you be gay? Sure, and that’s great. It doesn’t really matter. It’s not the butch girl’s responsibility to reassure you that you’re not gay.

6. Don’t put her in a box.

She’s butch, but she’s not made of stone. If she likes puppies, kittens, clouds, and knitting, don’t act like she’s coloring outside the lines. Butch girls can like all sorts of things - and so can you. Everyone has feelings, and should be able to express them.

7. Hold her hand.

Yes to PDA! As long as the butch girl is into it, be affectionate in public. Don’t hide your excitement and pride about being with her. 

8. Play along.

Do people think read you as a gay couple when you’re exercising number 7? Go with it! Be a gay boy for a day! You don’t have to reassert your non-gay sexuality in every situation. People may read your relationship differently. Go along for the ride - it might be fun.

9. Speak up about your love of butch women.

When people are trash-talking butch women, or praising only gender-conforming women, speak up about how awesome and hot you find butch women.

10. Don’t assume what a butch lady likes in bed.

Everybody’s different! Just like gender presentation isn’t always tied to one’s sexual orientation, neither is someone’s preferences in bed. Just because she’s butch doesn’t mean she’s going to top you.

Can you think of more? Feel free to post more suggestions!


DISCLAIMER: These pointers speak to our own experience, and we hope they will speak to others, but we understand that this may miss the mark for some people. We hope that they will be read in the spirit in which they were intended, rather than an authoritative, one-size-fits-all (and it never does, does it?) set of rules.



Jalene as Jalene.

Jalene as Jalene.

Katie as James Dean.

Katie as James Dean.

Introducing your two resident butch girls.


Hi! I am super butch and I fucking love it. I love everything about the way I look, and I wish more boys did too. It’s interesting to see who’s into my look and who isn’t, and how people read me. I’ve dated all kinds of boys, from femme to butch. I want butchness to be a socially desirable characteristic for a women. I dunno, I’m kind of rambling here, but basically I am hot and I want the world to think so too. I want you, if you’re a boy into butch women (BIBW), to be reading this now and be all, shit, I wish I could ask her out. Yeah. You can.


I’ll start by saying that yes, Katie really is hot, anyway IIIIIIII am butch, and IIIIII like boys. This is apparently like Oprah worthy or something. Also I like the internet and want good things to show up when you’re sitting there googling into a void about your particular predicament. My favorite search words historically have been “butch straight girls” “butch girls who like boys” “gender nonconforming straight women” and so on…. and now this page will show up when you google these things. Hi! :::hugs::: you are not alone and stuff.



I find it interesting that the male singer looks a lot like the women in this video. The women are a little butch and the singer is a little femme, but nothing extreme on either end… just all together it was very very confusing…

The best part is I think it’s totally not intentional… I think it was just the 80’s :) 

Such a good song too!